Listen first before reacting
I’m supposed to pick up Joanne at 8pm. I tried to call her that I’ll be late. I was rejected and I’ve better explain myself why I’m not on time. Some old lady came over our house for help because of a disturbing neighbor. She even cried because no one seems to assist her and I’m the only option to air their grievance.
That night, I know it’s the best time to be fair and be considerate. We expect and stick to our schedule and strictly follow it. Unforeseen things happen and occur and we get irritated because our plans are disrupted. Yes, I was supposed to meet my wife after a Rotary meeting but got delayed because I need to attend a complaining and grieving neighbor. I think I got the silent treatment.
During my high school years, I frustrate myself and easily get mad. I got ticked and react even to small things and won’t listen first or at least hear the other side of the story. It wasn’t that long though but I learned from my Dad how to be calm and at least peaceful.
In real life, we react fast or even overreact to almost all issues.
Missing the art of listening is devastating and can ruin relationships quickly.
Failing to see the other side of the story is being biased.
Every day, we hear news that we feed ourselves from what we hear, see or read but it’s one sided. Why not allow the other side or your partner to explain first and then maybe negotiate later?
Why is it easier to get mad first instead of listening first? We overthink.
Looking on the bad side of the coin and then we lose our cool and burst our emotions to argue and fight over little or minor things.
If you can’t stay positive immediately, at least stay neutral first instead of being a negative person.
Keep in mind we are not gods – all knowing, all powerful, even everywhere.
How to redeem yourself if you reacted first instead of listening to an explanation.
- Learn to say sorry. It’s simple free and it’s the first step to easing things back.
- Give space to explain their side. Listen intently and avoid provoking them just to enter an argument and win it your way.
- Set aside your ego and stop making excuses. We make mistakes and strong people acknowledge their weaknesses and politely set aside their ego to save a relationship. Avoid excuses just to show you are correct all the time. Again, nobody is perfect.
- Reconcile immediately. Admit you are wrong if you reacted first instead of listening to an explanation why it happened. This is a smart move because you value the person instead of your anger. Resolve it as soon as possible.
Along the way, things happen, people show up and schedule changes. Be ready to change and adapt and the important thing is being ready to hear the other side for adjustments. Don’t go attacking someone immediately because that’s being unfair.
The good news, by nature we are kind and loving. Amplify love and let’s widen our perspective and extend our patience. We are not aware of what really happened if we fail to discover and ask the right questions from the other side.
The coin has 2 sides, head and tail.
Be clear and considerate without being angry.