Signs of Negative Stage Parenting
A stage mother or stage parent these days in a Philippine setting is often portrayed as over acting mom, exaggerated or obsessed with her child’s career or status.
How about stage fathers? Hello, nice to meet you? Not.
I heard a story about 2 foreigners living here in PH and their daughters are attending the same school. It happened a while ago by the way. These 2 dads are in a waiting section and they were enjoying their moment sharing stories and laughs. Dad 1 is overseeing his daughter running around the area and up and down the stairs while waiting for lunch time. Dad 1, repeatedly warns her daughter not to run and play. Suddenly, the little girl tripped and got her face on the ground. Other parents were shocked and held their breath, freaked and got worried. Dad 2 stopped talking and Dad 1 remained calm and told her daughter to pick herself up and reminded her of his warnings. She cried and another grandfather nearby came to assist the little girl to sit but was cautious and kept his distance. Dad 1 explained the little girl must learn to stand on her own and must obey cautions. Dad 2 agreed and he is also doing that approach with his kids.
The 2 foreigner Dads shifted their topic about what Filipinos would do in that scenario. From that moment, the girl stood up, went to Dad 1 and calmed down. End of story.
I’m thinking what a typical Filipino parent do. Maybe grab the child, show sympathy, cry a little bit, blame someone, curse the government officials, complain to the principal, complain about the quality of the shoes, etc.
- Over Protective
Usually they are hysterical or easy to panic. Accept that every child has to go through his own challenges. Let them experience pain and the hardships of real life. I know it’s our part to give a comfortable lifestyle but being too much is bad for us. It’s ok to protect but to overdo it means disaster. I tell you, if you over protect you are making your child weak. Let him stand and get up on his own feet. Leave him alone and allow the child to recover.
- Over Involved
Stay away from your child’s assignments, projects or school works – don’t answer it for them. Give them chance to discover new things and get out of the way. Allow their hands to get dirty so they can experience it firsthand. Don’t override learning in their own way. You are unique and your child has his own moves, strategy and reasons.
- Manipulative and Controlling
Sometimes being a god to them is too much. Kids are not puppets. They must learn to control their emotions and thinking. Stop feeding every detail to them. Just control your life and not everyone. Set a good distance so you won’t be tempted to control your child. You will negatively affect their future if you manipulate and control them.
- Narcissistic Parenting
Go read about narcissism if you’re not familiar with it. You can’t be pushy about your child’s grades, achievement, career, talents or gifts. If you failed in your younger years, don’t push that failure and force your child to finish it for you. That will start a cycle of bad parenting. Don’t be obsessed with grades, overstress and get frustrated if your criteria are not met. Narcissistic parenting is being selfish and studies say it’s a mental disorder. Beware of pushing too much just to get glory for you and your child.
Reconsidering Your Parenting Strategy
We as parents must be conscious not to overdo child rearing. From the story, Dad 1 allowed her daughter to experience the consequence of not listening and obeying. It’s an opportunity to plant the lesson to their heart and that little pain will be treasured and will remind them that Dad is right at that time and they were wrong.
Mistakes happen and challenges will always come their way. Our duty is to prepare them with the right mindset to attack hardships and problems. Encouraging and reminding them to get up if they fall is a basic strategy of allowing them to grow on their own.
Stay on the sidelines and enjoy every moment.
Be a good coach and beware of the negative signs of stage parenting. I will tackle more topics about this in my future posts.
Watch how they grow because as they nurture in front of you, we all grow wiser and stronger. Sit back, relax and enjoy parenting.